Dinner For Two

“You’re buying,” Jeph said after the waitress seated us at a table.

“What! But you picked this place—and it looks expensive.”

He shrugged. “You’re the one that wants to wine and dine me. I said I was fine, but you insisted.”

I scowled, pulling my wallet from my pocket and leafing through the tips I’d made last night. It wasn’t much, but it would cover a meal. “Fine. But you get one thing. That’s it.”

Jeph flipped through the menu, his grin making my stomach curdle. It was his is that a challenge, precious? grin. “Hmm. I’m not sure which one I want.” He slid the menu toward me, tapping the milkshakes section. “Pick one for me.”

“You pick,” I snapped, getting sick of his shit. “You’re the one eating it.”

“Pick one. I’m indecisive. We’ll be here all day if I have to choose.”

I eyed him, knowing he was full of shit, but I was too exasperated to keep arguing. With a sigh, I read through the different shakes. They all sounded really good, but I was a sucker for cookie dough and dark chocolate myself. “This one,” I said, pointing to the menu.

“Mmm, that one does sound good,” he agreed, nodding and flipping through the menu again, looking at the burgers.

“Don’t. You. Dare,” I gritted out.

He didn’t look up from the menu, but his eyes glittered with mischief.

“Hello, folks,” the waitress said. “What drinks can I get you started with?”

“Water,” I said, still trying to glare holes in the top of Jeph’s head.

“I’ll also take a water,” he said, smiling broadly at the waitress. “But I’m ready to order now, if that’s okay?”

“O-Oh,” she stammered, aura turning pink with infatuation. I wanted to stab her. “Certainly,” she said, smiling shyly. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“I’d like this one,” Jeph pointed to something on the menu. “And this one as well. Also, can I get a bacon burger?”

I was going to kill him.

“Sure!”

“And bring two plates, please,” he said.

She jotted that down before running off to put in the order.

“Do you want to die?” I asked coolly. “Because that’s how you die.”

Jeph smirked. “Are you threatening me, precious?”

“You bet your ass, I am.”

“Keep talking dirty,” he whispered. “I like it when you’re feisty.”

I didn’t dignify that with a response, tapping my foot impatiently. The food was going to take a while, and we had places to be. A shake alone might’ve been quick, but a meal would make this take longer.

The waitress dropped off our waters, asking, “Do you want the shakes now or after your meal?”

“Now, please. Thank you.”

She beamed at him, and my scowl deepened.

Now, please. Thank you,” I mimicked when she left.

Jeph arched a brow. “You doing okay over there, precious? You look like you’re about to blow a gasket.”

“I’m just peachy.”

“You don’t look it.”

“Keep flirting with the waitress and she just might try to crawl into your lap. My eyes don’t want to be burned with the disgusting sight of you creeping her.”

His eyebrows shot up. “I’m not flirting with her.”

“Yeah? Then what’s all the smiling and the manners? You wouldn’t know how to be nice if your life depended on it.”

A slow smile spread across his face. “Are you…jealous?” Jeph asked slyly. “Because if you are, I think I like this side of you.”

I scoffed. “I am not jealous.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, eyes still twinkling with amusement.

“Here you are,” the waitress said, setting the milkshakes in the middle of the table. “Do you need anything else?”

“No, thanks,” Jeph said, eyes boring into mine. “We’re good for now.”

“Okay, just flag me down if you need me.” She looked from him to me, aura flaring puke green with jealousy.

“We won’t, but thanks,” I said sickly-sweet. “Your other tables look like they might be low on water, though.”

She glared at me before turning on her heel and stalking away. Perhaps I was being petty—I’d never been rude to a server before, considering my own job—but she really was neglecting her other customers just because she had goo-goo eyes for Jeph. Her unprofessionalism pissed me off.

Yeah, because that’s why you’re irritated.

Jeph whistled under his breath. “And I’m the one who doesn’t know how to be nice?” He tsked, swapping around the shakes and putting the cookie dough one in front of me. “Eat up.”

“I—what?”

“Food. You eat it.” He pulled the long spoon from my shake, scooping it up and holding it out to me. “Nom-nom.”

“I’m not eating something I didn’t even—”

My words cut off on a moan when the shake touched my tongue. Jeph, asshole that he was, had fed it to me mid-sentence. His self-satisfied grin annoyed me.

“Now, are you going to eat it by yourself, or am I going to have to feed it to you?” he asked.

“You’re such an ass.” I snatched the spoon from him, taking the next bite by myself.

“If you say so.” He grabbed his own spoon, eating his shake.

“I do say so—and why is this so good?

“Aren’t they? This place is my favorite—first time dining-in, though.”

I eyed his shake. “Which one did you get?”

“Fudge something or other,” he mumbled around a spoonful.

“Is it any good?”

He pushed the shake toward me, and I dipped my spoon in, stealing a bite.

“Mmm,” I moaned. “That one’s good too.”

“It’s not bad,” he agreed.

“Here’s your bacon burger,” the waitress said, interrupting us, her back to me. “Is there anything else you need?”

“Just that other plate.” Jeph said.

She put it down, smile forced. “Here you are.”

“And can we get the check?”

“Sure thing,” she said, walking away.

Jeph cut his burger in half, transferring half of it and the fries to the other plate before sliding it toward me. “Here.”

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“You need to eat.”

“I don’t!”

“Sam, please.”

“Fine,” I grumbled, pulling the plate to me and dunking a fry in my shake. Of course, it was delicious.

“Thank you,” he said before biting into his burger.

The waitress dropped off our check, not even bothering to say anything this time. I reached for it, and Jeph slapped my hand away, putting it in front of himself.

“You didn’t actually think I’d make you pay for it, did you?” He pulled his wallet out and slid a credit card into the little slot at the top. “I’m not a complete douchebag.”

“I didn’t say—”

“Oh, don’t give me that. You think I’m a dick, and I am.”

“You said it, not me,” I mumbled, taking another bite.

***

Excerpt originally from “Hunter’s Mark,” book two in the Light of Chaos series, by Alexandra Gardner. Full novel available March 20, 2020. Book 1, “King’s Chaos,” available now.